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                    英语美文 | 如何道歉才是正确的做法?

                    2019-02-18 08:58:20  每日学英语
                    Chances are, you've had to apologize plenty of times in your life. And there's a good chance you've alsouttered the phrase, "I never meant to hurt you."

                    生活中你可能要道歉很多次,而且很有可能说过这句话:“我?#29992;?#24819;过要伤害你”。

                    Stop doing that, says author Caroline Myss.

                    作者卡罗兰·梅斯说:“别再?#30340;?#21477;话了。”

                    In a talk Myss ― a spiritual seeker, researcher ― took on the topic of forgiveness and healing, and explained in no uncertain terms why "I never meant to hurt you" is never a sufficient apology, no matter who it comes from.

                    梅斯是一位精神导师和研究员,她在一次访谈中讲了原谅和疗伤的话题,并且非常明确地解释了为什么“我?#29992;?#24819;过要伤害你”这句话永远不适合?#32654;?#36947;歉,无论是从谁的嘴里说出来。

                    道歉

                    "Picture that person coming up to you and saying, 'Wow, bummer. I'm sorry I did this, but, you know, I never meant to hurt you. And, hey, can we just call it a day?'" Myss says.

                    梅斯说:“想象一下,?#27465;?#20154;朝你走过来跟你说‘哦,哥们,很抱歉我那样做,但你知道的,我?#29992;?#24819;过要伤害你。就这样吧好吗?’”

                    As tempting as it can be to move on and bury the hatchet, that type of apology won’t sit well with the person on the receiving end. "That whole little thing ― 'I never meant to hurt you' ― that's the thing you can't forgive," she says. "It goes right to your soul, that toxic, sick feeling."

                    虽然让关?#30340;?#21457;展下去并停战和解是很吸引人的,但那种道歉真的不适合说给对方,她说:“那句‘我?#29992;?#24819;过要伤害你’所对应的整件小事,其实就是你无法原谅的?#27465;?#34892;为,是那种直入你心扉的难受的感觉。”

                    Instead, Myss says it's important to approach the conversation differently. Ultimately, it's about offering more than an apology. It's about sharing a soul-to-soul confession. "Let's redo the scene," Myss says. "[The person] comes up to you and says... 'I need to tell you something. I consciously knew what I was doing. I consciously knew it, and I have to call it something else: I sinned against you. It was a sin. I heard my conscience tell me not to do this and I didn't listen. It didn't matter to me. And I know that my actions redirected the course of your life. It was conscious. It was a sin, because it was conscious. And how much it hurt you did not stop me. This is not a boo-boo. This is not an apology. I am confessing my soul to you, and I'm asking now for your forgiveness.'"

                    梅斯说相反很重要的是要以别的方式引入话题,最重要的是你要强调你做了什么而不是道歉,应该?#34892;?#28789;间的忏悔。梅斯说:“咱们重新设想一下刚才的场景,?#27465;?#20154;走向你说‘我要跟你说件事,我深知自己做了什么,我意识到了,我觉着应?#27809;?#20010;说法?#20309;业?#32618;你了。是我的错,我的良心告诉我不要那样做,但我没当回事,这对我没什么影响,但我知道我的行为改变?#22235;?#30340;生活,我是有意的。是我的错,因为我是故意的,?#38405;?#30340;伤害也没能阻止我,这不是一时疏忽,我不是在道歉,这是我?#38405;?#24515;灵的忏悔,我现在请求你的原谅。’”

                    Even saying those words on stages makes Myss visibly emotional, and she points out that this is how deeply within the soul apologies are supposed to resonate.

                    梅斯甚至在舞台上说这番话时都很激动,她指出就是这?#20013;?#28789;的道歉才能引起深刻的共鸣。

                    "That's what heals," she says.

                    她说:“那才是治愈别人心灵的东西。”

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